The fairest derriere of them all

Michelle 'Toots' L'Amour has it all: the Exotic World 2005 crown, an ass that goes 'pow', and a fiance who sews rhinestones on her g-string

By Jen Hazen
Published: July 15th, 2005 | 3:30pm

Congratulations on your title as Miss Exotic World 2005. Was the competition pretty steep this year?

Yeah, actually. This was probably one of the toughest years because they were really selective about the applicants that they wanted to compete in the pageant. Usually there was one category, Miss Exotic World, and everyone competed for one title, but this year they wanted the judging to be very fair. About 130 people applied. From those, 50 were picked. and different categories were set. For instance: Best Newcomer, Best Troupe, Legend in the Making, and Miss Exotic World. I was pretty nervous.

I know that you’ve done some shows with Lucha Va Voom. You probably had to compete against some of your friends, huh?

Definitely, but it’s pretty friendly. It’s not like we’re out to sabotage one another.

How long have you been dancing?

For about 10 years. I’ve been doing burlesque for about three years.

Are you professionally trained?

Yeah. I’m trained in ballet, jazz, hip-hop, belly dance. I teach these to kids out in the suburbs, actually. I’ve been teaching burlesque in the city for about a year.

Are the shows and the dance instruction your full-time gig at this point?

Yeah. I don’t have a 'day job.' It’s basically me and Franky working on the shows and trying to perform when I can. Chicago doesn’t have as many performance opportunities for burlesque as New York or San Francisco.

Franky is my fiancée and business partner. He does all of the music and video for the shows, re-mixes stuff, and ya know, sews rhinestones on my g-strings, that sort of stuff. [laughs]

Do you do all of the choreography for the numbers in your shows or is it a collaborative effort with the other ladies involved?

For Femme TV, I choreograph everything. For the Star and Garter show, I do the majority of the choreography, but I’ve been wanting people who have solos and duets to choreograph themselves and own it a little bit more.

Are you always changing up the routines?

Yes. Either for myself, or the dancers. If it’s a group number, I’ll just bring in some new ideas. When we ran Femme TV, it was a weekly show, so pretty much every week it was different and the dancers probably hated me for that… [laughs]

Well, I’m sure that you would have the same people show up every week just because of that.

People will come to the same show a couple times and be pleasantly surprised that we keep it fresh. Otherwise, I get bored and the audience gets bored. We don’t want that to happen.

I absolutely love your Snow White skit. God, it’s so hot!

It’s so wrong, isn’t it? [laughs] Snow White is the number that I did for Miss Exotiic World.

How do you come up with the outfits for your skits, themes, etc…?

I get weird ideas. Maybe if I’m falling asleep or if I’m driving the car, I’ll just pass the exit because I’m thinking about some new idea. A month before the MEW pageant, Franky and I were watching [a documentary about Issac Mizrahi] called Unzipped. There was a segment titled Snow White, and I thought ‘That’s it!’ When I was younger, people would call me Snow White because I [have a light complexion], with dark hair. ‘It’s perfect! I’ll bite the apple!’

Did you have someone make the Snow White outfit for you? It’s pretty elaborate.

We actually found a lot of stuff in thrift stores and I had some of the materials. We bought the skirt at Beatnik’s and dyed it yellow. I had one of my burlesque students, Holly Wouldnt, helped me make the costume. Actually, she made it. I didn’t make the costume at all! [laughs] I’m not a crafty person. I’ll get hot glue all over myself.

Is there any particular show that you do that’s more bawdy than the rest? Okay, where you show more skin…

We usually don’t go past pasties and g-strings. Yet last night I did a show at Sound Bar, and one of my pasties came off during a duet, so I just ripped the other one off and performed topless! [laughs] As soon as I took the bustier off, there it goes, and I tried to cover it up with my hand and dance, but I thought, “This is dumb!” So, I ripped the other one off, looked at my dance partner, and ripped hers off, too, and she was pissed! [laughs]

It’s so illegal! We usually go for the subtle innuendos.

And the crowd was freaking out, I’m sure?

Yea, I’m sure that there are some great pictures on some cell phones somewhere out there!

Can you talk about how you felt the first time that you performed a burlesque skit? Was it scary?

Well, I’ve been a dancer for a long time, but this is the only kind of dancing where I’m nervous… all of the time! There are so many things that can go wrong, like the pasties falling off, for instance. There are so many intricacies and you’re so vulnerable. If something goes wrong, people are going to see it. That’s why you have to be able to think on the fly when you do something like this.

The first time that I performed striptease, I did a number called “Peek-a-boo Apartment 2.” I was coming home with a big pink fur coat on, and I walked in the door looking through my mail, upset because it was all bills. Then I get to the last one and it’s a huge sparkly heart love letter. I was so excited! I then took off my coat and noticed that someone was watching me through the apartment window so I toyed with them, got embarrassed, started to really own it, and like it. That skit didn’t involve any pasties. I just took my bra off, covered my chest, and walked off the stage. I think that I did it with nude nylons underneath! [screams]

Since I’m a dancer, showing my bare legs was such a no no! And they were horrible. I was coming from teaching in the suburbs to the show. So, it was a 3 hour drive for some unrehearsed skit and thought oh my god, that’s really fun. That’s nothing like it! The audience went crazy! Then we converted to no tights, which was much better... [laughs]

Do you have a signature move, because when you did the center splits during the Snow White skit I about lost my shit.

You mean the splits with the butt shake move? That’s totally my move! [laughs] We were doing a show in Toronto and I was stretching that way. I started moving my butt like that, and I said to Franky, ‘Isn’t this funny?’ and Franky’s like, ‘You need to do that…” and I said, ‘Eww, are you kidding me! This is gross!’

No, you need to do that! Did Frankie come up with the phrase that has come to describe you? The ass that goes ‘Pow!’? Well, it was actually said a couple of times after I performed. I did a suit and hat number to an Eartha Kitt song. A guy said, ‘Oh, that reminded me of Charlie Chaplin. If Charlie Chaplin had an ass that went “Pow”!’ And then the same thing happened at the show in Toronto. I was walking up the stairs and one of the performers said to me, 'Man, your ass just goes like, "Pow" or something!' so we just started using it… It’s a lot to live up to, I have to say.

Photos by Brian C. Janes and Joe Gallo