One-Way Ticket Part 3: On making friends
By Kristina Francisco
Published: September 2nd, 2008 | 11:15am
I’m not really good at making friends. Or at least that’s what I thought before I moved to Barcelona. Back in Chicago, I was too shy to talk to strangers. I was afraid they wouldn’t like me. I never knew what to say to people at parties or how to keep a conversation going after the initial small talk. I was comfortable with the friends I already had and, although this may sound snotty, I wasn’t really interested in making any more.
These are some of the many reasons I left Chicago. I wasn’t happy with who I was, and there were a lot of things I wanted. I wanted to get out of my comfort zone, out of the rut I was in. I wanted to learn new things about myself and grow as a person. I was unhappy in the Windy City, confused about who I was and insecure about where I was headed. So I left the States to find myself. Yes, maybe a little bit dramatic, but in my mind, I had to make a big change to escape what I call my quarter-life crisis.
When I arrived in Spain two months ago, I didn’t have a single friend here. In fact, I knew absolutely no one. The first week I was here was the hardest week I’ve probably ever experienced — being completely alone in a foreign country where I didn’t speak the language was really, really hard. I had no one to call, no one to talk to, no one to explore the city with. I was sad, but I can’t say I was depressed. This is what I wanted, after all. I only had myself to rely on — on this adventure that I hoped would help me figure things out. But I had no idea how to start making friends.
Well, that’s not completely true. Before I left Chicago, I did a little legwork and asked my friends if they knew anyone in Spain who might want to hang out with an American transplant. That’s how I got in contact with Jerel, a DJ, ex-pat who was a friend of my friend Bart from home and had moved here permanently more than a year ago. Once I got here, I e-mailed him to ask if he wanted to hang out. One hangout turned into many, and my life here would be totally different had I not reached out to him.
But he’s not my only friend here. There’s Eva, Jerel’s wife, who moved here from the Canary Islands and has helped me through some of my most difficult times. There’s Fernanda, who moved here from Chile two years ago, took me to my first-ever nude beach, and made sure to invite me to things she did when I first got here.
Things also got easier once my Spanish classes started. My classes are full of international students who were new to this city, just like me. Many of us are here by ourselves and looking to make friends. I’ve become great friends with Camille, a 20-year-old musician from Montreal who saved up money for two years to spend six months in Europe. There’s Stefano, an Italian guy who left Sardinia to find an engineering job here in Barcelona. And Xoa, a girl from Holland who moved here to attend a university in Barcelona.
My life here is so different from my life in Chicago. By letting go of my old self, not being afraid that people might not like me, by being open and saying yes to new people and experiences, I’ve been able to change a little bit about myself. By simply asking what people are doing today and if they want to hang out, I now have friends from all over the world, friends who care about me and who I care about. We have different cultures, backgrounds, and stories, and I’ve learned a little from every single one of them.
The other day, as I was leaving my apartment to make dinner at a friend’s house, my roommate asked, “How did you make so many friends here?” And all I could think was, “I tried.”
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
This is the third installment of Kristina Francisco’s “One-Way Ticket” column for venuszine.com. Visit venuszine.com every two weeks for the latest installment. Visit her personal blog at numberonehits.blogspot.com.
One-Way Ticket Part 1: This is what I had to do
One-Way Ticket Part 2: You can only be where you are and nowhere else
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