Below the Belt #3

A declaration of independence

By Jennifer Sabella
Published: July 12th, 2006 | 6:16pm

As I watched fireworks light up the Chicago sky from a frien's rooftop on the Fourth of July, I held back the tears that had been ruining my makeup all day and started thinking about this whole independence thing.

Independence - the word itself stands for all that is good and free, something that people everywhere strive for. But while we celebrate many of life's little freedoms: getting our own apartments, graduating from college, getting a real job (and maybe even liking it) what is it about the independence of singledom that is so...daunting?

While many relationships in my life have ended with a sigh of a relief, they have usually been followed by another union - be it a fling, or maybe even a whole new relationship. It wasn't until the gun powder made me choke last Tuesday that I realized, this time, it was different. I was going to be truly independent, for a while a least. And as much as I hate to admit it, that was a pretty scary feeling.

Whether it's the movies we watch, the books we read, or the women we see around us, coupledom seems to be in high demand. When we don't have boyfriends, we are either bitching about our ex-boyfriends, wishing we had a boyfriend, or trying with every ounce of our beings to forget one. Why can't many women -- who can successfully maneuver their way through all of the shit life throws at them - seem to get over the need for a counterpart?

Up until recently, a close friend of mine reveled in the fact that she was free "by choice" for going on three years.

"I would shave my legs at my leisure, lay around with my dog, and watch bad television without judgment or interruption," she said. "And sex, well, I would get it one way or another. I had it made."

But when she started dating a guy she met at work, sharing a bed and arguing over the remote became her routine, - and she actually liked it.

"I don't know what it is about sharing a bed with someone," she told me. "It's amazing. I really miss it."

When she and the boy split, she had a hard time going back to her happy-to-be-free days, but figures it will come back in time.

And she's right. While the television tells us our biological clocks are ticking and the whole world seems to be pairing off around us, the reality of the situation is that it's all bullshit unless you find someone who is worth pairing off with. Until then, why bother settling just to avoid feeling "alone"?

As hard as a breakup can sometimes be, the cure-all remedy of time actually does work wonders. As the clock ticks, we begin to realize that what we may have thought was the perfect relationship wasn't so perfect after all, and that's fine. If there is anything to gain from a heart-wrenching departure, it is the knowledge that maybe being single isn't so bad after all.

There are books I need to read, places I need to see, friends I need to reconnect with, and then there's me - the person I have avoided dealing with for years.

If independence means spending my nights sprawled out with my cat in my queen-sized bed, listening to The Slits at full volume, and leering at cute boys with my friends, it doesn't sound so bad to me. But I still don't get the whole fireworks thing.