emerging creativity

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Login |
Signup

Launch Radio

Article Tools
print
email
share
- Del.icio.us
- Digg
- reddit
- Facebook
- Newsvine
- Permalink
save

Below the Belt #2

Jenny's guide to getting dumped

By Jennifer Sabella
Published: July 5th, 2006 | 3:14pm

Sometimes, we like to think we are invincible. Our Earth will never melt due to ignorant humans, our civil rights will never go away, and on a much smaller scale, we will never, ever, get our hearts broken by a guy again.

I'm just as guilty of this farce as the next girl. While I worry about the state of our union, when it comes to relationships, I like to think I've been there, and done that. I've been through the awful breakups; the stomach knots and sleepless nights and I decided a long time ago that falling apart over a failed relationship simply was not my cup of tea.

While saying "I'm not going to get hurt again," is much easier said than done, it actually worked for a while. I managed to start and end relationships with ease - even remaining friends with several exes.

"I'm good at this," I thought.

Then I met a boy who foiled my precious plan. For the first time in a really, really long time, I felt like I was in a healthy relationship. I felt equally appreciated, I had fun, I felt respected, and the sex was damn good. I knew early on that it was trouble.

As months passed, things were seemingly great, but the last few weeks haven't been so hot. I knew things were coming to a close, but refused to admit that to myself. I didn't know how to deal. And I still don't.

When he ended things, I held the tears back with as much force as my body could muster. I wasn't mad at him at all - things end - we are young and there is no reason in the world someone should stay in a relationship they aren't happy in. As simple as it all sounds, when you are "the dumped" (which I haven't been since the 10th grade) there is a whole other set of problems:

There is the feeling of embarrassment:

"How long has he been feeling this way? Do his friends know? I am no charity case."

The misplaced hope:

"Maybe he will call later. Or maybe he will realize he made a huge mistake, and I won't be around to take him back."

The desire to quickly replace and/or forget him:

"I knew I should have taken that guys number at the bar the other night. I wonder what that hot dietician I used to sleep with is doing?"

And let's not forget the overwhelming self-doubt:

"I wasn't [insert pretty enough, smart enough, creative enough here] for him!"

It's funny, because the world's most secure and self-aware person could fall apart due to a bout with a broken heart. Up until recently, I would never dream of doubting who I am, what I do, or where I am going for the sake of a relationship - but I started to see a side of myself that I simply was not OK with. Every move I made suddenly seemed like the wrong one to make.

The moral of this story that we have all heard before is that no matter what happens with a relationship, we should never let it tear us apart completely. People change and shit happens. As much as it may feel like we will never get over this person, the reality of the situation is that we will. And there has to be someone, somewhere who is really right for us. And maybe by the time we meet them, we will be ready to break down the brand new wall we built up around ourselves, and try it all over again.