Perez Hilton Presents nothing special in Chicago

September 19, 2009, at the Metro

By Selena Fragassi
Published: September 21st, 2009 | 1:00pm

There’s no doubt the Perez Hilton Presents Tour 2009 was doomed from the start. Sure, Hilton may have been the first champion of the world-famous Lady Gaga, but since when does that garner a record label? A national tour? Call us paranoid, but there is something amiss when a celeb-obsessed blogger is pushing the buttons at the music control towers without a flicker of credibility — even the selling point of the tour was completely off-base, described as a “discovery of new music” although the lineup was comprised of bands who have well-developed reputations. Be that as it may — with two strong female ladies on the bill, Ladyhawke and Ida Maria, there was a slight glimmer of hope that maybe one could get beyond the brand name and at least enjoy the show.

That was until the self-proclaimed “Queen of All Media” lost the “Queen of the World” when Maria dropped out of the tour after a nightmarish Boston show where she walked offstage during the second song and never returned. Rumors have been swirling about Maria’s departure — but knowing the bonafide performer that she is, there is strong faith that a record-low turnout, which was just as apparent at Chicago’s Metro, and answering to a man with a newly-coiffed rooster-hawk had everything to do with her decision.

So the irreplaceable Maria was replaced with the precociously-named Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head (really, why not Demi Moore?) who proved their generation-I-don’t-care attitude with a sloppy mess of trial and error synth and rubbery guitar that tripped over indiscernible shouting matches that passed for singing. Although the five-piece appeared to have great energy in their delivery, it could just have been the annoying strobe lights that created the illusion. Their ‘80s dance party filled with Atari-inspired electro beats had been around the block a couple of times and, when paired with over-amplified bass lines, became just an assault of noise that surrendered to unoriginality.

Because of Maria’s cancellation, the lineup was misaligned and misinformed (isn’t that the job of a blogger?) so that French newbie Sliimy came on before the posted start time and all that was left were the two remaining acts, Semi Precious Weapons and Ladyhawke.

First was Brooklyn’s Semi Precious Weapons whose flamboyant glam rock kitsch felt like a hired band for a biopic on Studio 54. Singer Justin Tranter stole the show with his over-the-Big-Top personality that was adeptly matched in costume: a DIY Jack Daniels shirt-dress, white fishnet tights, metallic stretch boots, a silver coin purse, and heavy guyliner a la Brandon Lee in The Crow. Trying to keep up was bassist Cole Whittle, adorned in a Navajo-style throw with a hole for his head, who thrashed away at his guitar in a tizzy comparable to a rapid hummingbird being attacked by a voracious hawk. Everyone else in the band was wholly invisible when stood up by these two characters.

Tranter may have stolen the ego award from Hilton (although it was anybody’s guess who influenced who in the pair of dead ringers), constantly commenting on how fabulous he looked and asking for some female flashers to give him confidence for his upcoming “operation” before a mid-set striptease/costume change. The witty banter and alien-esque performance made the night, especially when confronted by a set of sexually-charged rocknroll created as an ostentatious response to Tranter’s female alter ego. Songs like “Sticky with Champagne” professed lyrics about girls swallowing top shelf or spitting it out all over themselves while “Put a Diamond In It and Bite Down” could have been seen as a challenge to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” diatribe. Semi Precious Weapons hit the target with entertaining theatrics that won a large crowd reception. After inviting the audience to meet them in the merch booth, half the room cleared out leaving a noticeable gap for the newly-inducted headliner Ladyhawke.

But really, they weren’t missing anything. After believing Ladyhawke would be the show’s saving grace, the New Zealand synth popper seemed like a deer in headlights onstage — or totally disinterested in treating a largely unaware Chicago crowd to her lineup of tasty dance numbers from her 2008 self-titled debut (Island). Ladyhawke delivered up tracks like “Magic” and “Manipulative Woman,” but most of the time it seemed like her backing band did most of the work for her. In a night of mostly misses, it was disappointing to know even Ladyhawke couldn’t produce a hit. Perhaps she has learned the lesson of the night — that working with someone like Hilton can only lead to “Professional Suicide.”

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For more photos from this show visit Venus Zine’s Flickr page

Natalie Portman's Shaved Head MySpace page

Semi Precious Weapons MySpace page

Ladyhawke MySpace page